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Christian Singles

Eric Reynolds
12/06/15 - Sun AM

Series: Christian Homes

Single Christians

I.  Introduction

Today we begin a series on the family, although this first lesson may not fit that description. The goal for this series is to touch on the whole circle of life, and since it goes around and around, you could almost pick any place to start. Since a new family basically begins with two single people being joined together in marriage, we’ll start with singles.

Before we get into our lesson, let me say a few more things by way of introduction to the series. Few subjects are as touchy and personal as family. None of us is perfect. But our goal in coming together is to worship God and learn more about what his will is for our lives, as revealed by his Spirit and through his Son. And we trust that we have been given all things that pertain to life and godliness, including guidance for all aspects and stages of life.

So my intention is to study God’s word on these topics and share with you what I find. If it steps on your toes, good. That means you have room for improvement. You can be sure it will be stepping on my toes as I prepare these lesson. But we should always be open to learning and growing and doing better. There’s not much we can do about past failures and shortcomings, but we can and must work on being more Christ-like in the future.

And to that end, I know that we can learn a lot from each other as well, especially those who have been down the road already. So what I would like to do is ask for your input on some of these lessons. Kind of like people do at a wedding reception where they invite people to write words of advice or encouragement to the new couple.

So to begin with, next week I plan to address the topic of dating. We have several young people here in the dating age. What Scriptures would you share with them? What advice would you give? Maybe you learned some things the hard way, or maybe someone gave you some advice that really helped you. Just write a short note and drop it in the box in the foyer. You can add your name or leave it anonymous.

I plan to incorporate these into the next lesson. In this way hopefully we can all benefit from the experience of the group.

But today’s lesson, as I’ve said, is for singles. Single people come in several forms. It could be someone who has never married, someone who is divorced, or someone whose spouse has died. Whatever the case, single people are an important group in the church who may sometimes feel overlooked. But there’s actually quite a bit we can learn from the Bible when it comes to being single.

II.  It’s Okay

First of all, it’s perfectly fine to be single. It seems like all of society tries to push people into relationships. It begins at a young age, as people want to know, “so, do you have a boyfriend?” Or “Do you have a girlfriend?” Then if you are still single as a young adult, look out! Everyone else will be doing there best to set you up with just the right person.

It’s all well-intentioned, but it could also give the wrong impression, that somehow there’s something wrong with being single. But that’s simply not true.

First and foremost, consider Jesus.

Heb. 12:2  looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith …

Jesus is our example, the only perfect person. Yet he never married. Neither did many other Bible heroes of faith.

Elijah, Deborah, Daniel, Mary Magdalene, and Paul all come to mind. It’s possible some of them may have married, but no spouse is ever mentioned.

And of course, there are many people in Bible who lost a spouse to death.

The good news is that single doesn’t have to mean being alone. As Christians, God has given us a spiritual family to belong to, one that in some ways is actually more important than physical family.

Consider Jesus.

Matt. 12:46-50  While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. 48 But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Even though Jesus was not married, he belonged to a family of believers. Someone can be single when it comes to a relationship status, but that doesn’t mean being without a family.

And when it comes to serving God, marriage is not required. Think about it: what are the essentials to living as God desires you to?

Matt. 22:35-40  And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Does any part of that require a spouse? No.

In fact, here’s the surprising thing. In some ways, being single is an advantage when it comes to serving God.

III.  Freedom and opportunity

In 1 Cor. 7, Paul points out some good things about being single. First of all, it’s a sign that someone has control of his or her passions.

1 Cor. 7:1-2  Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

Paul was addressing a circumstance in which it was not a good time to be getting married. Skip down to:

1 Cor. 7:26-27  I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.

In Paul’s opinion, the difficulties they were facing made it prudent to put off any plans for marriage. However, there was one problem with that advice. Some people have difficulty controlling their passions, as we see in verse 2. And also in verse 5.

1 Cor. 7:5-9  Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Paul seems to be saying that the ability to control your passions is a gift from God, one that not everyone has.

You could say that being single is a badge of honor. If you are able to live godly and upright without needing an outlet for every desire, good for you.

This passage will come up again in our study as we consider dating and marriage, but for this lesson, let’s skip down to:

1 Cor. 7:32-35   I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Here is the advantage for singles: they are free to be totally devoted to the Lord.

In the context of the chapter, back at the beginning, Paul talks about how a husband’s body belongs to his wife, and a wife’s body belongs to her husband. When two people get married, the two become one flesh, and now each has responsibilities and obligations to the other. They have a rightful claim on each other’s time, emotions, attention, etc.

But for a Christian, our body also belongs to the Lord, as well as our time, emotions, attention, etc. So a married person has divided interests. But for someone who is single, they are more free.

There are many anxieties that go along with married life, especially when things are strained. If you know someone who is going through marriage trouble, very often it affects every aspect of their life. Their work may suffer, as well as other relationships. And even when things are going well, marriage demands a lot of energy and attention.

A single person is free from those demands. Of course, it might be that a single person has other family obligations, like raising children or caring for an older family member. But Paul is speaking here in generalities.

But here’s the challenge for single people: how are you using your freedom? With freedom comes responsibility.

I remember the joys of newfound freedom as I was growing up and leaving home. But do we see that as an opportunity to just goof off and have fun all the time? That’s probably what I did the most of.

But look at Paul’s warning to young widows:

1 Tim. 5:5-6  She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives.

“Self-indulgent” is also translated “she who lives in pleasure” or “she who lives for pleasure.” Here’s a person who is no longer married, and now she chooses to use her freedom totally on herself. He also warns a few verses later:

1 Tim. 5:13  Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.

This is the picture of a woman with a lot of free time on her hands, so she just flits around and gets herself in trouble with her mouth.

Instead, we must all make the most of the opportunities we have. This applies to all of us, of course. Some people may be at a point in life where they have very little free time. Working, perhaps two jobs, raising young kids, etc., can demand most of your time. But others may be in a position to have more freedom. Singles, retired folks, people whose kids are older, etc. How do we use that freedom? Do we see it as an opportunity to be devoted to the Lord? To pray and study? To serve others? Or are we self-absorbed and self-indulgent with our time?

IV.  Challenges

Having pointed out the advantages of being single, let’s talk for a moment about the obvious downside, and some suggestions for dealing with it.

Clearly, one danger with being single is loneliness. God said, way back at the very beginning:

Gen. 2:18  Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Ecclesiastes tells us:

Eccl. 4:9-12  Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Look at the dangers of being alone. If you fall, who will pick you up? Temptation is so much stronger when no one is around. If you get cold, who will warm you? What if your faith grows weak, or you start to lose interest in doing the right things? You need someone to give you a boost. And if you are in a conflict, it’s much better to have someone by your side.

So what is the single person to do? Well, first of all, notice that this passage is not speaking of marriage specifically. It’s talking about companionship and working together. Verse 10 says “one will lift up his fellow” not his wife. And 12 says “a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Three are even stronger than two. Clearly not talking about romantic relationship.

So the point is, don’t try to do everything alone. Be part of a group, a support system, have friends to work with and face problems with. Share you burdens with others.

Jesus sent out his disciples in two’s:

Luke 10:1  After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go.

And we see this later: Peter and John, Paul and Barnabas, Paul and Silas, Barnabas and Mark, Priscilla and Aquila, etc.  

Jesus also leaned on his closest friends in his darkest hour:

Matt. 26:37-38  And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.”

So here’s the point: if you’re single, seek out spiritual companions. Don’t try to go it alone. And even if you aren’t going through a tough time at the moment, or maybe you’re just happy as can be and don’t need a pick-me-up today, but someone else probably does, and you could be just the person to lift their mood or help them through a tough time.

V.  Conclusion

So let’s recap.

A.  Being single is okay. It’s fine. Society may make you feel like something’s wrong if you aren’t married or dating someone, but you have to ignore all that. Jesus was single. You can still love God and love your neighbor as a single person.

B.  In fact, being single can be an advantage. First, it’s a gift to be able to be in control of yourself. Secondly, you have more freedom and less anxiety than a married person. This allows you to be more devoted to the Lord.

And that’s a challenge to all of us. How are you using your freedom and free time? In selfish ways? Search of pleasure? Or in devotion and service?

C. But beware the dangers of loneliness. Seek out helpers and companions. Doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship. Choose good friends who will boost you spiritually and help you get to heaven.

INVITATION